Could It Be That It's True That It's You?
by BreakFree
Summary: These 4 best friends have known each other their whole lives, but how much could their lives change when they reach that point in life where they need to find themselves?  Bad summary but please read :  Kogan and Jarlos with a lil Kames in the beginning
1. Chapter 1

**I do not own BTR (sadly :( no matter how much I wish I did).**_  
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_Author P.O.V._

"Yes! No more filming for the day!" Carlos exclaimed when the producer had told him and his three best friends that they had the rest of the day off.

The Latino high-fived his tall, tan, brunette friend, James.

"Let's go enjoy our hot tub guys!" Carlos exclaimed. "Race you!"

The small Latino tapped the hockey helmet he always wore on his head twice, and then took off at the speed of light as his three friends sighed and shook their heads.

"Well, it's not much of a race for Carlos if he has no one to beat," James remarked. "Shall we go guys?"

The tall blond friend ran a hand through his hair and replied, "You two can go ahead if you want. I think I'm gonna go take a stroll in the park."

"It is a really nice day," Logan agreed. "Mind if I join you, Kendall?"

James smiled to himself. Somehow he had expected his small brunette friend to follow their green-eyed leader's lead.

"No, of course not, Logan. In fact, it'll be more entertaining with a friend there," Kendall replied after smiling his goofy, crooked smile. "Care to join us, James?"

James chuckled to himself. He couldn't help but think that Kendall was only being polite. That he really just wanted to spend time with his best friend Logan alone. Plus, his observant friend should have known that he wanted to join their small Latino friend in the hot tub. That's just how things always worked out. Kendall and Logan did their thing while Carlos and James did theirs.

"No, I think I'll go join Carlos. A dip in the hot tub sounds pretty nice right now. You two have fun!" he exclaimed, and with a wave to his two friends and a flip of his perfect light brown locks, he took off after his Latino friend.

Somehow, the bushy-eyebrowed leader knew that his self-proclaimed "pretty boy" friend James would say that. So he turned his attention to his small, spiky-haired, chocolate-eyed, brunette friend.

"Well, come on, Logan. The park awaits!" Kendall exclaimed as he carelessly slung his arm over his small brunette friend's shoulders.

As the two friends sauntered toward the park, the air around them was filled with casual chatter, contagious laughs, and probably a little bit more physical contact than casual buddies.

But that was just how Kendall and Logan's friendship was. It was different, unique, special. It had a special meaning to both of them that sometimes they weren't even aware of, though practically everyone else around them was.


	2. Chapter 2

**I still do not own BTR :(**

_James P.O.V_

I was out of breath, tired, and my perfect hair had been tangled by the relentless wind outside, but I finally arrived at the apartment I shared with Carlos, Kendall, and Logan.

When I opened the door, my helmet-wearing friend, Carlos, had been casually sprawled out on our bright blue couch, looking at his watch as if he was timing how long it took for one of us to arrive.

"Finally someone shows up!" he exclaimed, running toward me as I closed the door. "But where are Kendall and Logan?"

I chuckled thinking of the countless times someone had to ask me where Kendall and Logan were. They used to ask me about them individually, like, "Where's Kendall?" or "Where's Logan?" and then after the countless times I've said, "Wherever Logan is," or "Wherever Kendall is," they began asking collectively.

Those two were always together. But I didn't have much room to talk. Carlos and I were always together, so people probably started asking for us collectively as well.

"They went for a walk in the park since it's 'such a nice day'," I replied, air-quoting the words Logan had said earlier.

"Riiight," Carlos chuckled. "Did Kendall say he was going there before Logan thought about it?"

I laughed at my friend's assumption. Despite popular belief, Carlos was smart and could pick up on things better than most.

"Yes, and then Logan wanted to join him." _I should have joined them and walked with Kendall too. To see the sun on his golden hair._

_Whoa, where did that come from? Snap out of it, James!_

Carlos sighed. "Of course he did. Those two really need to open their eyes and see what everyone else sees – that they were made for each other and are totally in love."

I laughed again and placed my hand on my shorter friend's shoulder. "I know, Carlitos. I know."

But I couldn't help but feel a little…jealous. Kendall was always with Logan and barely spent time with me. I wanted Kendall time too. _Whoa, there it goes again. Stop it right now, James!_

Then there was a pause, my hand still on my friend's shoulder, looking into his dark chocolate eyes. They weren't green ones. But they were still beautiful. It gave me a weird feeling…A good one, but a weird one. So I quickly shook it off, removed my hand from my friend's shoulder, and cleared my throat to change the subject.

"Well, Carlitos, my friend, there is no way we can enjoy the hot tub while still standing in the living room without our swimming trunks on."

He chuckled what seemed almost like a breathless chuckle and suddenly found his bare feet fascinating for a brief moment. Though the moment was odd and out of place for my outgoing, hyper friend, it was nearly gone as soon as it happened. He looked up at me with that lovable sparkle back in those dark chocolate eyes, excitement reappearing in his tanned complexion.

"Yeah, let's go!" he exclaimed before skipping to our shared room to grab his swimming trunks.

Yet I stood frozen. _What am I feeling? What are these foreign thoughts? What about that moment that I had about Kendall, or the one about Carlos? What was that moment Carlos had?_

I tried to shake it, thinking I was just being over-observant, and slowly made my way to the room I shared with that little Latino ball of sunshine.


	3. Chapter 3

**So, first I want to thank those who reviewed :) Your reviews are much appreciated and a great motivating factor...I love you all :D And while I still do not own BTR (unfortunately :( haha), I will continue :)**

_Kendall P.O.V._

It was a beautiful, cloudless afternoon. Walking through the park with my best friend Logan, I could hear the birds singing, the children playing, and the hushed whispers of lovers sharing a picnic.

"So, I wonder how that hot tub is treating Carlos and James?" I asked my best friend, craning my neck so I could look into his milk chocolate eyes.

_Whoa, Kendall, they're just brown eyes. I know you love adjectives, but it's a little creepy how that is your description of YOUR BEST FRIEND's eyes…not only that, but your GUY best friend._

I hoped Logan didn't notice that my mind was acting as if I was on anesthesia. But with the usual sparkle in his eyes as he broke his stare with the world in front of him to look into my eyes, I knew he had no idea.

"Who knows? I mean, every other human being that knows James and Carlos knows that they were put on this Earth for each other, and I don't need to use my science skills to deduce that they are in love! They are probably the only people in this life that don't know that."

I laughed at my smart friend's analysis, not only because of how adorably he had worded it, but because it was true. James and Carlos just needed to figure themselves out to know this fact as well.

_Adorably? Logan isn't adorable…he's just Logan!_

Then Logan laughed. I always thought his laugh was musical, and I loved that my own awkward laugh had the power to unleash it.

_But we're best friends. I should know that. Why am I dwelling on it like it is a huge thing?_

I had to mentally straighten myself out. I figured I was just exhausted from a long day on set. This walk, that constant breeze, that fiery sun would clear my head. At least until I went to sleep tonight.

"Hey Kendall, I'm getting kind of hungry. Wanna go pick up a pizza to take back to the apartment? I'm sure James and Carlos haven't eaten either – they'll love us if we do."

I laughed at my best friend's concern for our other two friends. He was always concerned for others, always showed compassion for others, always…_Whoa, Kendall! Shut up!_

_Of course Logan was like that – he was Logan_, I told myself. That's just how he was. And I knew that. Everyone knew that. I didn't need to psyche myself out over the fact that I was listing qualities that everyone knew about Logan. It just proved how well I knew him – I mean, I had known him my whole life. Of course I knew these things about him – that's all…Right?

"Sounds like a good idea, Logie. Let's go."

"Logie? Where did that come from?" my friend inquired with a smile and those dimples, as if voicing the same concern my mind had conjured as soon as I said it.

"I don't know – but it's a good nickname for you. So, anyway, Logie, let's go get some pizza!" I exclaimed, trying to keep my cool. The way Logan chuckled I knew he didn't pick up on anything. He knew I was random, so he just pushed it aside.

So I slung my arm around his shoulders again and we made our way to the pizza parlor.

Yeah, I was random. That was all. Right?

**So I hope you guys are enjoying this fanfic so far :) I have much more in store if you guys want it :D**


	4. Chapter 4

**So Jarlos fans will be pleased with this chapter (I hope) :D And no, I still don't own BTR...And I don't own the hot tub that James and Carlos are in :( But if I did, they would still be in it, therefore, I would own them :) And then I would put Kendall and Logan in the hot tub and own them too :) haha...Sorry for my tangent :) Anyway, enjoy :D**

_Carlos P.O.V._

James and I had been in the hot tub for an hour or so just talking and joking around. It was great that I had a best friend to do this with.

_A best friend with perfect hair, eyes the color of brownies, a sun-kissed tan, and great abs._

Yeah, that's right. Sounds like I'm crushing on my best friend, right? Wrong!

I was past the point of crushing.

I was in love with him.

I loved his voice, the time we spent together, how he was always there for me, everything about him. I knew that. I had just been trying to deny it.

I knew James was straight. He had every girl swooning over him, and he swooned right back. He never had long relationships because he was just "too pretty to limit himself to one person." At least that's what he always said when I asked him about his short-lived relationships. And I believed it.

He was beautiful. And flawless. And perfect.

But I would never let him know that I thought that.

It would probably ruin our friendship forever, and I couldn't risk that. If the only thing James and I would ever be were friends, I would live with that. I couldn't live with him not in my life, so I would deal with being friends if that's what he wanted.

_Of course that's what he wanted! He's James freakin' Maslow! Ladies man. He would never look at me as anything more than his best friend._

While it hurt a little knowing that I was in love with someone who would never love me back, I was okay as long as James was a part of my life somehow.

"Hey Carlitos, I think it's time to get out of the hot tub and shower. Kogan will be home soon, and I still need to beat Kendall at that new video game."

I couldn't help but laugh. See, James and I are convinced that Kendall and Logan are in love with each other. I mean, to be honest, they would be perfect for each other. And the way they looked at each other – their eyes said it all. So one day when they were out and James and I were watching movies back at the apartment, we made a little joke.

We tried different ways of mixing their names together, so we could give them a pet name for when they finally realized how they felt about each other. After about 20 minutes of deliberation – Kogan, Kengan, Lendall, whatever else you could think of – we decided on Kogan.

Of course, we never dared call them that when they were around, or to anyone else. It was a little secret between James and I.

"Yeah, that's a good idea, Jamesy. You can go shower in our bathroom and I'll go shower in Kogan's bathroom – they'll never know." And with that, I got out of the hot tub, grabbed my towel and raced to the shower.

I hope James didn't see the blush forming on my cheeks.

I just called him "Jamesy" – a nickname I only called him in my dreams – and I didn't want to know his reaction to that. He would freak out. Although, I'm random enough that maybe he'll just see it as a random tendency of mine to give out nicknames.

Maybe he wouldn't realize he was the only one I had a nickname for.

I mentally scolded myself as I let the hot water wash over my body, as images of James ran through my mind.

**Awe, yay, Carlos loves James...Unlike the other guys, he accepts it though...**

**Well, there is more to come...I hope you like it :)**


	5. Chapter 5

**Well, I'm sure Kogan fans will like reading this chapter :) I hope you enjoy it...I liked writing this one for some reason. It's probably because Logan is seeing Kendall like I do :D Anyway, while I still do not have the power to own BTR, I will continue. I kind of wish I owned the pizza they bought right about now though because I am hungry :/ Anywho, enjoy :D**

_Logan P.O.V._

Kendall and I were taking a delicious pepperoni, sausage, and green pepper pizza back to our apartment to share with James and Carlos when the sun started setting.

It was beautiful – the oranges, the pinks, the purples. I couldn't help but stop dead in my tracks to watch this breathtaking scene.

I looked over at Kendall. He had stopped too. His strong arm was still slung around my shoulders, and his jaw dropped at the beauty of the show nature was putting on before us.

I couldn't stop my jaw from dropping, or stop my eyes from focusing, on the way Kendall's silhouette looked next to the sunset. The oranges brought out those captivating green eyes. Those emerald eyes contrasted perfectly with the pinks and purples in the sky. His bright smile as he looked at me put the rising moon and stars to shame.

_Whoa, Logan, get a hold of yourself. What are you saying? Kendall is your best friend! And he's a guy…You can't think of him like that! _

Logan sighed. _I'm just tired is all_. _I just need to go to sleep. This sleep deprivation is messing with my mind, and my emotions. Thankfully tomorrow is Saturday so I can sleep as long as I need to. At least until I straighten myself out._

"It's beautiful, isn't it, Logie?"

His melodic voice cut through the lingering silence, through my chaotic thoughts, and I couldn't help but close my eyes and take a mental snapshot of this scene unfolding before me. I also couldn't help the way my heart skipped a beat when he called me Logie.

Then, I looked up into those emeralds.

"Yes, it is, Kendy."

I heard that infectious, adorable laugh at the nickname I had just given him. And I couldn't help but laugh with him. And try to hide the blush that crept to my cheeks.

"Kendy? Alright, I can deal with that, _Logie_."

I chuckled at the way he stressed the nickname he had given me, and pulled me closer as he said it.

Our eyes had locked, and though I got this indescribable feeling when they did, I knew I needed to shake myself from the thoughts in my head of how Kendall's lips would taste.

So I quickly thought of a subject change.

"Well, the pizza is getting cold, and Carlos and James are probably gonna send out a search party if we don't get back soon, Kendall."

He flipped his golden locks from his green eyes as if trying to shake himself from his own thoughts.

_Could those thoughts be like mine? No! Of course they couldn't be! He goes out with Jaydyn (even if they're not official), he's my best friend…And anything else would just be awkward. I'm sure he was just flipping his hair out of his eyes. He liked to do that._

Then I froze a moment.

_Why was I even thinking of anything else?_

Luckily, Kendall's voice saved me from the voices in my mind.

"Yeah, you're probably right, Logan. Let's go home."

And yet again, he slung his arm around my shoulders. Almost involuntarily, I took the free arm that wasn't holding our pizza and slung it around his waist.

Luckily, he didn't find it strange at all.

Though I didn't really think he would.

Kendall and I did stuff like this all the time – made physical contact like this all the time. It was never strange – never awkward. That's just how our friendship was.

It was as if we needed that physical contact to prove to the world that we were best friends and always would be best friends. And there's nothing wrong with that.

This was how things were supposed to be. Nothing more, nothing less.

Then I mentally scolded myself for even thinking of something more. That would be strange.

Right?

**They're all in denial...Except Carlos. But that will change :)**

**I hope you are enjoying this fanfic :) But let me know if you hate it, cause I don't want to post a story people hate...**


	6. Chapter 6

**So, this is going to have a little bit of Kames, but there is still Jarlos :) (And there is more Jarlos than Kames for now so :) for Jarlos fans haha). I don't own BTR, or the apartment that BTR lives in in this fanfic...but if I did ;) haha jk jk...I hope you enjoy :D**

_James P.O.V._

As I let the cascading hot water trickle all over my body, my mind kept going back to Carlos.

Before he left to go get his shower, he called me "Jamesy." It sounded like something Kendall would call me. Now, I know Carlos is really random at times, and sometimes he likes to give random nicknames. And he didn't seem to be embarrassed after he had done it. So I was probably thinking entirely too deeply into it.

But why was I thinking too deeply into it? I should be able to just shrug it off. But when he called me that, my heart skipped a beat.

_Why did it do that? Why are all these random feelings invading my mind? I am a ladies man – the ladies love me, and I love the ladies. So why are my best friends taking over thoughts that I used to reserve for a beautiful girl?_

I ran my fingers through my hair, pulling tighter than necessary.

_I'm just exhausted. Today was a long day. And that video game with Kendall later will be a good distraction from my thoughts until I go to sleep tonight. _

_Kendall will be a good distraction._

I put my hands over my face. _Stop thinking about Kendall and Carlos!_

I shut off the torrential downpour that was the showerhead and grabbed the nearest towel. As I stepped out of the shower, I let the light steam embrace me and give me the metaphorical hug that I needed right then. I dried off, wrapped my towel around my waist, and went out into the room I shared with Carlos.

And of course I had to see Carlos. He was also in a towel. Searching for pajamas just like I intended to do.

And for some unknown reason, my heart skipped several beats as I looked at the toned torso of my seemingly small Latino friend. But he didn't look very small without his favorite striped hoodie on. And without his helmet, I could see his silky black hair shining with water.

He was muscular, tanned, and…almost sculpture-esque.

When he turned to look at me, it took all of my self-control not to rush over there and wrap my arms around him.

_Why was I thinking like this? Why did I need to hold myself back so much? It shouldn't be this hard – it's just Carlos! Maybe I need a shrink…No, it's just this sleep deprivation._

I thought I saw a blush on his tanned cheeks as he turned to look at me and noticed that my gaze was practically undressing him of clothes he wasn't even wearing.

"Oh, hi James. S-Sorry…I-I was just getting m-my p-pajamas," he stuttered, blindly grabbing at the clothes that touched his shaking hands as his dark chocolate eyes never left mine. "I-I-I'll just go out here and put them on. I-I…Sorry."

And with that he stumbled toward the door, fumbled with the doorknob, and rushed out the door, his gaze only leaving mine when the door shut between us.

I had never seen my Latino friend so flustered, or so nervous before.

It was adorable.

_Whoa, whoa, whoa, James David Maslow, get a grip on yourself! It's. Just. Carlos! Man, I really need to go to sleep. Carlos isn't adorable – he's just Carlos!_

_But maybe that's what makes him so adorable – the fact that he is just Carlos._

_Whoa, I really need to slow down these thoughts in my mind and go to sleep._

Thankfully, I heard the door to our apartment open and shut and heard the voices of Kendall and Logan carry through the skeletal walls.

"James! Carlos! We have pizza!" Kendall called through the apartment.

That was another thing I shouldn't have been thinking that crept into my mind recently – that Kendall's voice was the most musical thing I'd ever heard.

_What is wrong with me? Why am I thinking of all my friends as I would think of a girl?_

**James is so confused :/ Poor James...But it'll get better eventually, I promise.**

**I'm kind of not so sure I like this fanfic of mine a whole lot, but I'm still going to update because I like writing it, and I hope you guys like reading it :) More to come :D**


	7. Chapter 7

**So of course the ever-observant Kendall knows something is wrong with his friends, Carlos and James. Just so you know, this chapter has some Kames. And I still don't own BTR :(**

_Kendall P.O.V._

I saw Carlos shuffle out from the room Logan and I shared, and I guess I had a confused look on my face, because Carlos felt the need to explain.

"I – uh – took a shower in your bathroom, and I changed in there too. I hope that's okay." He looked so flustered and nervous and I couldn't help but wonder why.

"Yeah, of course it's okay, Carlos," Logan said before I could open my mouth to say anything.

Logan took the pizza into the kitchen and grabbed a slice as I made my way over to Carlos. I knew there was something that was troubling the Latino's mind under that mop of black hair that I rarely ever saw because a helmet usually hid it.

"Hey Carlos – what's wrong, dude?" I inquired as I put my hand on my small friend's shoulder.

He sighed. "It's nothing, Kendall. Don't worry about it. But thanks for asking."

And he tried to walk away. But I knew better and tightened my grip on his shoulder.

"I am worrying, Carlos. And I know you all too well to know that it is never nothing with you. So what's wrong, man?"

He sighed again. Then, in a tone more desperate than I had ever heard come from his mouth, he said, "I don't really want to talk about it right now. I just want to eat some pizza and go to sleep. It's been a long day. You understand, right, Kendall?"

I knew I wasn't going to get anything out of him tonight so I nodded and removed my hand from his shoulder.

"Yeah, I understand, Carlos. I'll let it go tonight cause I'm sure we all just want to eat and then go to sleep, but you know I'm here for you if you want to talk – right man?"

He smiled a smile that was almost a genuine Carlos smile and nodded as he patted my back.

"Yeah, man, I know. Thanks Kendall."

And he walked off to join Logan in the kitchen to eat a slice of pizza.

The only person that was missing was James. So I went and knocked on the door to the bedroom he and Carlos shared.

"James! Hey James, there's pizza!"

When James opened the door, I didn't expect to see him look so confused and torn.

"Dude, James, what's wrong man? Did you and Carlos get into a fight? He's a little out of it too."

He just smiled a weak smile at me and closed his door behind me as he made his way to his bed.

"No, man, Carlos and I didn't get into a fight. We're both just exhausted I'm sure."

I didn't believe him just like I didn't believe Carlos earlier.

"James, do you want to talk? I'm here for you – you know that, right?"

This time he smiled a genuine smile, and his eyes softened, and it made me feel better to know that I had the power to do that.

"Yeah, I know, Kendall," he answered as he placed his hand on my shoulder. Then, he pulled me into a hug.

"Um, James – are you sure you're alright? Are you sure you don't want to talk?"

I was beyond confused at this point. James didn't usually hug me for no apparent reason. Sure, he might hug Carlos randomly, but not me.

"Well Kendall, I do have some things on my mind. Do you have time to listen?"

I smiled. This is what I was waiting for.

"Of course I do, James. You're one of my best friends. So what's up?"

He patted the space beside him on his bed and I joined him.

"Lately I've been having certain – thoughts – about you and Carlos. Thoughts that I would usually have about girls. And I don't understand them. At all. Like, earlier today I was fantasizing about Carlos. He was in a towel after his shower and he just looked so…beautiful. And then when you walked in and called for us, I thought your voice was the most beautiful sound I had ever heard. And just now when you knocked on my door, I thought you were my own personal emerald-eyed angel coming to save me from my thoughts."

I listened carefully, slightly confused, but still understanding. I expected him to eventually tell me that he had feelings for Carlos. I mean, it's obvious they were meant to be together. But I never suspected he'd have feelings for me.

I had never seen James so upset. My usually confident, cocky friend was confused and looked nothing but lost. His hair was a mess, his eyes were shadowed by fear and confusion, and I could have sworn his hands were shaking.

I was having the same thoughts that James was having about Carlos and I. But they were about Logan.

Maybe it was a phase that we were all going through. But I'm sure that the fact that we have been sleep deprived didn't help.

"I guess what I'm trying to say, Kendall…is that I think I may have a crush on you and Carlos."

I didn't know what to say because I was having the same issues he was. And this was James Maslow – the pretty one, the ladies man.

I certainly wasn't a lady, and neither was Carlos.

I didn't want to tell him about my Logan thoughts because he had just told me he had a crush on me and that may hurt him. And I hated myself for thinking about Logan that way. So I just rubbed his back and told him everything would be okay.

But I didn't expect him to kiss me on the cheek.

And I didn't expect myself to actually think it felt nice.

I'm dating my best friend, Jaydyn, even if we aren't official. We still go out together.

She's wonderful.

So why am I feeling this?

_What is wrong with me?_

**Kendall thinks there's something wrong with him :( Just wait, though...Kendall is the most not okay with these new feelings he has and it makes for an interesting story. You'll find out why he's like this soon though, I promise :)**

**And again, I hope you guys are enjoying this. I'm sorry if it's a little slow moving or whatever, but I need to make the characters realize things about themselves before I can continue. I hope you guys don't hate it...I have a feeling it's really bad :(**

**But there is still more to come because I just can't stop writing it...I don't know why, but I can't.**


	8. Chapter 8

**So Carlos may not have opened up to Kendall, but he's about to open up to Logan. Will Logan tell Carlos what's been going through his mind lately? You'll just have to see :) And no, I still do not own BTR...And I don't own a room that Kendall and Logan share (unfortunately :( haha) but how fantastic would it be if I did? Enjoy :D**

_Logan P.O.V._

As Carlos and I sat in the kitchen eating the pizza Kendall and I had brought home, I noticed something was off about my usually sunshiny Latino friend.

I also noticed that Kendall wasn't next to me when I didn't feel the warmth of his leg against mine, or his arm pressed against my own. And James was missing also. Then I felt something flash through me. Even if it was fleeting, it was definitely existent…It kind of felt like jealousy. Was it jealousy?

_Why would I be jealous that James and Kendall were spending time together? We're all just best friends._

I shrugged it off enough to pay attention to my sad looking friend in front of me.

"Hey Carlos, what's up? You seem upset."

He just shrugged his shoulders and sighed. Not a good sign.

"It's nothing, Logan, I promise. Don't worry about it."

"Well, I'm going to worry about it, Carlos, because you're not acting like yourself."

He looked like he was contemplating something carefully before opening his mouth again.

"Logan, do you promise not to tell anyone if I tell you?" He sounded desperate. Now I was very concerned.

"Of course I won't tell anyone. Shoot."

His hands were shaking, and his eyes were shadowed with fear and confusion.

"Well, I, uh…I'm…I'm gay."

He looked nervous and played with his hands as he impatiently awaited my reaction.

I should have been shocked and not expecting it at all…But I had seen the way he looked at James. The way his whole façade brightened when James was around. So I kind of expected it.

He looked upset that I hadn't reacted right away, so I quickly thought of something to say. I reached across the table and grabbed his hand.

"There's nothing wrong with that, Carlos. I don't think of you any differently and I'm sure Kendall and James wouldn't either."

I patted the hand I was holding and he smiled.

But then his smile faded.

"There's something else, Logan."

I waited for him to continue.

When he was silent for a longer time than I expected, I spoke up, just to make him aware that I was still listening.

"Yes, Carlos? What is it?" I inquired although I couldn't help but think I already knew what he was going to say.

"I'm, um, I'm…I'm in love with James."

I smiled. Kendall and I had been right. Well, half right at least. Carlos loved James, and I was willing to bet that James probably loved Carlos. But I wasn't going to say I was completely correct until it was out that James loved Carlos too.

"Awe, that's cute! You two would be cute together…You know that, right?"

He blushed and I knew it had to be a deep blush because his dark complexion rarely allowed for a blush to arise.

"Thanks Logan. But please don't say anything to Kendall or James…Especially James."

His pleading was apparent in his eyes, so I squeezed his hand.

"I wouldn't do that to you, Carlos. I promise that your secret is safe with me."

I smiled a bright smile, but it dimmed a bit as I lost myself to my thoughts again. _Should I tell Carlos what I've been thinking about Kendall?_

_No, I'm sure it's just the fact that I'm exhausted. _ I really needed sleep.

"Well, Carlos, I'm off to bed, but if you need me to talk to again about this situation, or anything at all, I'll be more than happy to listen."

Carlos smiled a bright, genuine Carlos smile. "Thank you, Logan. So much."

He crossed the kitchen to hug me. "Good night, Logan."

I hugged him back and smiled. "Good night, Carlos."

But as I closed the door to the room I shared with Kendall and realized his bed was untouched and there was no beautiful blond lying in it, that same feeling that I detected earlier as potential jealousy flashed through me again.

_What could Kendall and James possibly be talking about for this long?_

_Did I just call Kendall beautiful? Where did that come from?_

_Why do I care so much?_

_Why is Kendall the only thing I can think about anymore?_

**So Carlos finally told someone he was gay :) And Logan is still in denial that he loves Kendall. But don't give up on me yet...there is more to come :)**


	9. Chapter 9

**So this chapter is some hardcore Kames o_O And Kogan and Jarlos fans may hate me for a brief moment. But keep in mind that I ship Jarlos and Kogan :) So don't give up hope yet. WARNING: When I say hardcore Kames, I mean _hardcore_...But this story is rated T, so...**

**And no, I still do not own BTR :( How unfortunate.**

_James P.O.V._

It was nice to be able to talk to Kendall about all the feelings and thoughts that have been assaulting me today. He always has been and always will be a great listener. And I know he's always there. And I love that about him.

That's most likely the reason I kissed him on the cheek after he let me confide in him. Because he just looked so perfect sitting there, listening to me. And it was my way of thanking him.

There were no sparks or fireworks when my lips met his perfect face, but it still felt nice. And I think he felt the same thing with the way those beautiful emerald eyes sparkled. However, the sparkle was more of a realization than an infatuation, which saddened me a bit. I was hoping Kendall would like me too. But then I thought about it, and I couldn't help but realize that I'm not Logan.

I would just have to live with this fact. Even if Kendall hadn't even been aware of said fact yet.

Maybe that could be used to my advantage.

My talk with Kendall helped me realize that there was no more reason to deny the fact that I had gay tendencies – but that didn't mean I was gay. I still loved the ladies…just not as much as I loved my best friends.

And Kendall confided in me and told me that he thought he may possibly have gay tendencies too – but only for his best friends. He told me that no matter how much he tried to fight it, to deny it, thoughts were running through his head about us. No other guy had made him question his sexuality the way we did.

And while he didn't mention names, I knew that the "we," the "us," and the "best friends" he mentioned were all code for our small, brunette genius – Logan. However, I'm almost certain that he is unaware of that code. So I took advantage of this fact.

Maybe Kendall could be my ticket to finding out if I really did have gay tendencies, or if it was just an experimental phase.

I wanted Kendall to be that ticket. I knew I had him under my power in that moment that I made him feel vulnerable after I kissed his cheek. I had the power to make the fearless, bold, leader Kendall vulnerable. And I realized this. So I kissed him again.

But this time on the lips.

And he kissed back.

And I felt like I was in heaven.

I wrapped my arms around his neck and deepened the kiss. I ran my tongue over his lower lip, begging for him to let me into that beautiful mouth in which that beautiful voice escaped through.

And I could have sworn I was on Cloud 9 when he did.

I took complete control of the kiss, of the situation, somewhat feeling like Kendall didn't want this, but taking advantage of the fact that he didn't stop me.

I laid him down on my bed while I was still exploring that beautiful mouth of his, and climbed on top of him.

I moved my hands from his neck to run them down his rock hard abs, all over that perfect torso, slipping them under his shirt when I reached the hem of his faded green t-shirt, while I moved my lips to his neck.

I rubbed my hands up and down that perfect torso, never wanting to stop – never wanting to forget the feeling of Kendall under my hands, of me being in control of the beautiful blond who was usually the dominant one.

When one of my hands made its way to his bare back, I pulled him closer to me so that our bodies were impossibly close. I loved this feeling – being this close to the breathtaking blond-haired, green-eyed angel in my arms.

And he shuddered. A beautiful sound, even if it was small. And I loved that I had the satisfaction of being the one causing it.

He tangled his hands in my hair, and for once, I didn't care if it was being messed up. Because Kendall was the one messing it up. And I loved that I could say that.

Just when I was about to move my hand to his belt buckle, he grabbed that hand and stopped me.

"I'm sorry, James, I just…I can't go any farther with you…you're James, one of my best friends! It's – It's messing with my head and my emotions and everything I thought I knew, and – and I – I just want to sleep on this."

His usually vibrant beautiful emerald eyes were clouded with an emotion I couldn't detect…Was it fear?

I was very disappointed, and I could swear I felt my heart sink, but I understood.

"No, I'm sorry, Kendall. I should have stopped…I should have controlled myself."

But I was lying. I didn't want to control myself. I didn't want to stop. But I didn't want Kendall to know that.

"I'm – I'm – I'm sorry, James. I – I can't do this. I – I have to go." And he practically sprinted out the door. I really hoped that wouldn't be the last time I got to do that.

But I couldn't stop that sinking feeling I got that it may very well be the last time I got to do that. Because now that Kendall realized he enjoyed kissing his best friends, he may go and kiss Logan, and then belong to Logan forever.

_Why did I do that? I'm such an idiot!_

_And why am I becoming so possessive of Kendall? I know he and Logan are meant to be together, to be happy together, even if he didn't._

_But I don't think I want that anymore._

I didn't want to think about Kendall anymore. I threw off my shirt and collapsed on my bed, burying my face in my hands.

And even if I didn't want to think about him, what just transpired with him was all I could think about.

And then I looked over at Carlos's untouched bed.

_That lovely Latino, Carlos…_

Then I realized that even though I like to think of the beauty that is Kendall, it is fleeting, and the vision of shirtless Carlos remained branded in my brain.

_Since when has Carlos become the star of my thoughts?_

**Oh boy...Things between James and Kendall just got complicated! And James is realizing how many feelings he actually has for Carlos...So many that he keeps popping up in his mind :) (And this is when the Jarlos fans go "awe" :) haha) And poor Kendall :/ He is ready to rip thoughts from his mind by this time...He really is a complex character (you'll see).**

**And once again, I hope you guys are enjoying this. And those who are, thank you so much :) More to come :D  
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	10. Chapter 10

**This is the chapter that I'm sure Jarlos fans have been waiting for :D It gets pretty steamy, but I had to leave some to the imagination, because this story is still rated T. And no, I still don't own BTR, not without trying though :) hahaha I hope you like this chapter :)**

_Carlos P.O.V._

After watching TV blindly for an hour or so, I saw Kendall leave the room I shared with James. I was confused at the look in Kendall's pretty green eyes. It was a look of lust, of realization, of confusion, of fear…and of hatred. What confused me the most, though, was that the look of hatred in his eyes was a look of self-hatred.

And I couldn't help but wonder what James did or said to Kendall.

So after Kendall had vanished from my line of sight, I shut off the TV and made my way to my room.

I opened the door quietly so as to not disturb the beautiful James if he was asleep, although I didn't see how he could be since Kendall had just left a few short moments before.

James was lying shirtless – beautifully, irresistibly, in all his glory – on his bed, staring up at our pale blue ceiling with those brownie-colored eyes and a lost look on his face. I walked over to the edge of his bed and sat on the little space that was left open to the left of a deep-thinking James.

"Jamesy, are you alright?" I inquired, too concerned to realize I had used my pet name for him yet again.

With that, he looked over at me, a look of lust and longing on his face.

"I don't know, Carlitos." He grabbed my hand, and I could have sworn electricity went through me.

"I'm just…confused is all. Lately my mind has been journeying to outer recesses that I didn't even realize existed. And I just need some answers."

I didn't know what he meant, but I didn't want to pry. He looked so helpless, so desperate. I used my thumb to stroke the hand that he was holding, hoping he saw it as a form of comfort.

And then, before I could restrain myself, I leaned down and kissed his forehead.

He jolted up as if he had just been electrocuted and looked into my eyes with a sparkle in his own brownie-colored eyes that I could never get enough of.

And for a split second I thought I saw love.

_No, it couldn't be. I know there's most likely love very apparent in my eyes, but there was no way there would be love in his. He didn't see me like that – he never would._

He wrapped his strong arms around me, and I melted into his touch – just like butter. I loved the warmth that our two bodies made when they touched. I loved the feel of Jamesy's strong arms around me, as if he would never let me go.

And before I knew what was happening, he pulled out of the hug, placed his hands around my neck, and pressed his lips to mine.

His lips were soft, and his lips fit with mine perfectly…like a yin-yang sign – like our lips were meant to find each other.

At first it was sweet, passionate, and just…magical.

But I couldn't fight the feelings it gave me. The static, the tingle, the fireworks. That willpower of mine that I thought was so indestructible shook like a leaf with that kiss and those feelings it gave me. So I deepened the kiss, my tongue desperately begging for an entrance into his perfect mouth, as I wrapped my arms around his waist and pulled him impossibly close to me.

After a short battle for dominance, I let James win, loving the feeling of his tongue dancing with mine.

Then I realized it was a battle that he would always win. He seemed to be enjoying the tango of our tongues as much as I was.

So much that he laid me down on his bed, his hands on either side of my head, his knees on either side of my waist, and our lips connected as with a magnetic, yet unbreakable, bond.

My hands made their way to explore the wonderland that was the toned, tanned, absolutely flawless torso of James Maslow. And when he didn't stop them, I pulled him impossibly closer and my hands found their way to his toned back.

Soon enough, his hands were mimicking the actions of my own, tracing the outline of my abs. My favorite striped t-shirt was the only thing separating his fingers from my bare skin.

And soon, not even that was in the way.

James moved his hands to the hem of my shirt and tugged it upward, as if it were an obstacle that he didn't want in the way. And I gladly allowed him to pull it completely off, although I was slightly saddened at the lost contact of our lips to do so.

"You are so beautiful, Carlos," he whispered in my ear. I shivered at the sound of his soft, melodic voice and the way his lips grazed my ear when he whispered to me. And that was when the butterflies, and unusual burst of confidence, made their way into my heart.

"Not near as beautiful as you, James," I whispered in his ear as his lips claimed my neck.

And he moaned my name against my neck as I said that. It was the most beautiful sound I had ever heard.

Here I was, making love to my best friend – a man that I was in love with and never expected to feel the same way. But he had to – at least a little – or else we wouldn't be here.

Soon his lips were kissing down my neck, my chest, my stomach. His hands had made their way to my belt buckle, fumbling, trying to undo this obstacle as well as his kisses traced the outline of my abs. I couldn't help but moan his name and bring my hands to entangle themselves in his soft, silky, perfect hair.

I was in ecstasy.

And I felt even higher on life as the thought crossed my mind that he was too.

**And this is when Jarlos fans scream at the top of their lungs, "YES!" haha. This is the first time I've written a steamy chapter, so I hope it wasn't too bad. And yay! A happy Carlos! But what does this mean for Jarlos? And where is the Kogan? More to come if you are still reading :)**


	11. Chapter 11

**So this is the last chapter that I have written already, and I hope it doesn't take me too long to write more. But I hope that there are people enjoying this fanfic, because I'm still not so sure how I feel about it. If you guys don't like it, I don't have to write anymore, but you have to let me know.**

**But for those of you who have read all of the other chapters of my story and liked it, this is where we meet that complex Kendall that I've been telling you about. And Kogan fans will be pleased :) But Kendall fans (such as myself) may be sad...You'll just have to read to find out why.**

**And no, I do not own BTR :( Or Kendall (But I really wish I did! :) hahaha) I hope you like this!  
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_Kendall P.O.V._

My head was spinning. I was pulling my hair, trying to catch my breath.

One of my best guy friends had just kissed me.

And while it wasn't the fireworks, sparks flying, tingling sensation that I had always hoped to feel when I kissed "the one," it opened my eyes to something I had never even let cross my mind before.

I could be gay.

Or at least half gay.

All of a sudden, it felt like my world was collapsing around me. Everything I'd ever known, ever learned from my parents – everything was crumbling.

When I reached the door to the room I shared with Logan, I let my back hit the door and allowed myself to sink to the floor with my head in my hands.

Damn was I exhausted.

My mother would never allow my guy friends to stay the night in my room again. And my two older brothers – they would never look at me the same way ever again. They may even deny that I was connected to them in any way, no matter how much we all resembled each other. They wanted so much to be like our father.

Our father.

Though I hadn't seen him or heard from him since he left us when I was 6, I knew what would happen if he found out that these thoughts were even entering my mind for a fleeting second. He would murder me. And I couldn't help but tremble from the thought that I may not be far off with that statement.

I had to stop myself from feeling this way. It was wrong. I wouldn't allow myself to feel this. I wouldn't allow myself to bring pain to my family with this.

Or anymore hate for me to my father.

So I did what I knew I had to do. I called Jaydyn.

Jaydyn had been my best female friend my whole life. When I needed to talk, she would listen. And I even thought that maybe I was falling for her. But with the feel of James's lips still lingering on my own, I didn't know what to think anymore. I had never been so confused in my whole life.

And I was absolutely, completely, whole-heartedly terrified.

I usually always knew what I wanted, and then I would go after whatever that was with my whole heart, my whole soul, my whole being. But now I wouldn't allow myself to do that. I couldn't.

I needed to push all thoughts of guys as more than friends from my mind. And I hoped that Jaydyn would be the one to help me do just that.

After 3 rings, she finally answered.

"Hey Kendork, what's up?"

Usually I would chuckle at the lifelong nickname Jaydyn had for me. But not tonight.

"Jay, I need to talk to you."

She must have heard the urgency and the confusion in my voice because she quickly responded. "Do you want me to come over tonight? Or wait until tomorrow morning?"

"Can you come over now?" I asked, not pleased with this sudden desperation in my tone. But I needed her. I needed a distraction.

"Of course I can, Kendall. Be there in 10."

And with that she hung up.

I let the phone slip from my hand and didn't move an inch until I heard another light knock at the door 15 minutes later.

I stumbled to the door, as if my legs couldn't carry me, and as soon as I opened it, I collapsed into Jaydyn's arms, crying. And I rarely ever cried.

She helped me over to the couch and grabbed my hands.

"Kendall, what's wrong, dear?"

I looked up at her, and through my tears, I could see her ocean blue eyes. They were filled with nothing but concern. Not even Jaydyn had seen me cry before. I usually cried alone in my room if I cried at all.

"Jaydyn, I don't know what's happening to me, but lately I've been thinking about certain people as more than friends. People that should always and forever remain just friends. And it's scaring the hell out of me."

She tried to comfort me. She wiped my tears and wrapped me into a hug.

"What do you mean, Kendall?"

But the tone of her voice as she asked me this made me feel like she was implying that she already knew and was just waiting to hear it from me.

But I couldn't say it. I refused to let such an accursed thing cross my lips. I just cried in her arms for what seemed like many hours, though it had only been one hour.

Jaydyn just comforted me, kissed the top of my head, hugged me, rubbed my back, assuring me that everything would be okay.

And I believed her.

Until she left and I actually entered the room I shared with Logan.

I opened the door slowly, trying to be as quiet as possible so as to not disturb a sleeping Logan.

But then as the door quietly clicked behind me, I couldn't stop my eyes from roaming to his bed where he was in a deep, peaceful sleep.

He looked almost like an angel – a porcelain, milk chocolate-eyed, spiky black-haired, angel.

He slept so peacefully, and while I didn't want to disturb his slumber, I started tiptoeing to his bedside. He had rolled out of his covers while he slept, so I pulled his favorite red blanket up around him, softly, gently, as if he were a newborn child.

And as if on impulse, though it took every fiber of my being to attempt to hold myself back, though I was cursing myself, calling myself every horrid name known to man, I kissed his forehead, and whispered, "Good night, my Angel," in his nearby ear.

And when I kissed his forehead – no matter how small and simple the gesture may have been – my body exploded with fire. The fire of passion. It ignited my heart to beat 20 times faster and almost stop completely.

And when a small half smile crept onto his beautiful, angelic face while he slept, I couldn't help but melt into a puddle at his bedside.

_Stop it, Kendall Francis Schmidt! Stop it right now! You can't be feeling this! You can't be doing this! You need to stop!_

_You're disgusting, repulsive, absolute scum. Go to Hell, Kendall! Put yourself in a hand basket and carry yourself to Hell!_

I was mentally scolding myself, once again calling myself every horrid thing known to man, using every vile word in my vocabulary to describe myself. But it wasn't my voice shouting these things in my head.

It was my father's.

And I knew that in order to save my family from the pain I would cause them if I continued thinking like I was about Logan, feeling the way I was about Logan – in order to make my father see me as a human being – I needed to punish myself each time I thought of Logan as anything other than my best friend.

Because I realized he was the only guy I'd ever wanted to be more than a friend.

And that's when the cutting started.

**Awe, Kendall is so depressed, lost, and confused right now :( It's obvious he loves Logan, but he won't allow himself to even think that...I told you he was complex.**

**So like I said above this is the last chapter I have already written. Should I continue? I have more ideas, but if no one likes this fanfic, then idk if I should continue. Please give me your feedback :)**


	12. Chapter 12

**Now I know you probably want to know what happens next in Kogan world but here is a little bit more Jarlos until I perfect the next chapter :D**

**And I want to give a super special thank you to Love and Peace Forever and DoctorWhoFan9 for following my fanfic this far and encouraging me to write more...It means so much to me :D So thank you...I love you guys :)**

**And no, I still do not own BTR :(**

_James P.O.V._

I still couldn't fathom what had just happened between Carlos and I. We were lying together, clothed only with my favorite yellow blanket. Carlos was asleep with his head on my chest, and I had my arm wrapped around him, holding him as close as I possibly could – as if I never wanted to let him go.

And even though I still couldn't fathom it, I realized I loved every minute of it.

And I don't think I've ever felt happier in my entire life.

When Carlos and I kissed, even before our hormones took over, the world seemed to stop. Our lips felt like a perfect match for each other. My body was overcome with passion…and love.

Sure, there was passion, and even adoration, when I had kissed and touched Kendall, and I'm not saying that I didn't enjoy what had transpired between the lovely blond and I, but that was nothing compared to the way I felt when the lovely Latino in my arms had simply kissed me on the forehead.

I couldn't help but wonder if he felt the same way, or if he was only going with it out of sympathy for me.

But this was Carlos. He wouldn't have given himself to me out of pity. He didn't stop me – he even seemed to encourage it, and he wasn't exactly an innocent bystander. I knew damn well that he had never been with anyone else like he had been with me last night. Hell, I was even his first kiss. I had been his first everything in that magical night. That had to have some weight.

And he called me beautiful. I would never forget that.

Mostly I would never forget how it felt when he said that. I can honestly say I've never felt like that with anyone else.

Since sleep continued to evade me, I allowed myself to reminisce on all the memories Carlos and I had made for as long as we'd known each other. And I can't believe I never noticed before that we've always had some sort of special bond. We were always just a little more than friends.

I thought about all the times Carlos seemed to be a little less sunshiny anytime I looked at a girl, or a girl checked me out. And how with our lingering touches and excessive stares, I always seemed happier…and now that I was thinking about it, so did Carlos.

There was always a sparkle in those dark chocolate eyes when he looked at me, and I'd known that before, but I thought it was simply there all the time. Because that's the kind of person he was – bubbly, sunshiny, happy – and I only expected that sparkle to be permanent in such innocent eyes. But when I saw the way he looked at Kendall or Logan, or anyone other than me for that matter, the sparkle was there, yeah, but it was never as bright, or as alluring, as it was when we locked eyes.

I even thought about the times when the four of us needed to pair off – at amusement parks, to find something, to run errands, in one of Kendall's ingenious plans, or just to hang out. It was always Kendall and Logan, and Carlos and I. And it always seemed a little bit off when we were paired differently.

I chuckled to myself when I thought about the times we were paired differently – if ever. When these rare occasions occurred, I remembered that if I couldn't be paired with Carlos, I would want to be paired with Kendall. Even when I thought I was completely straight, I still wasn't immune to that damn Kendall charm that he didn't even seem to know he had. None of us were. And if Kendall and Carlos were paired off, I remember feeling a little jealous, even if I didn't recognize the feeling until now.

But as the adorable Latino in my arms shifted, the feel of his hand slipping from my chest to my stomach pulled me back to reality with a smile.

But then I knew what I had to do if I wanted Carlos to be in my arms every night.

Not only did I need to talk to Carlos, but I needed to talk to Kendall too. He needed to know that what happened between us last night, no matter how enjoyable I found it, could never happen again. At first I was a little afraid of how he would react, but then I was slightly comforted when I remembered that he wasn't near as into it as I was.

But then I thought about it again, and after Kendall had stopped me from going any further, I distinctly remembered a foreign look shadowing his usually bright green eyes.

It was just that last look before he sprinted out the door that remained imprinted in my brain and almost scared me. It looked like fear and self-hatred – emotions that I didn't even know the fearless, alluring leader possessed. But I knew it could only push him over the edge, down into a spiraling torrent of depression. And there was no way I could cause that. I would never forgive myself. He was still one of my best friends, and I still loved and cared about him – even if it wasn't in the way I had originally thought.

But he still needs to realize that he loves Logan and Logan loves him. I couldn't help but hope that Logan could help Kendall. It was always that way. When Kendall didn't open up to Carlos or me, no matter how hard we tried or how persistent we were, I knew that all Logan had to do was look at him the right way, and he would transform into an open book.

I just hoped that Kendall would allow Logan to help him. One of that blond boy's most endearing, and sometimes frustrating, qualities was his stubbornness, and though he always went out of his way to help anyone who needed it, he refused to let others help him, for fear of burdening someone with something that they shouldn't have to worry about. That he should be able to conquer on his own.

_Why the sudden change of heart?_ I thought to myself. _Earlier you were determined to make Kendall yours – to have that same experience with Kendall for the rest of your life._

But then I looked at the beautiful, sleeping Latino lying on my chest and started playing with his silky black hair.

I chuckled to myself.

_That's why._

Because before I drifted off to sleep, I realized something that I never thought I would…

I loved Carlos, and I probably always had.

I could only hope that he loved me back.

**So will Jarlos be official? What will happen with Kogan? Can Logan help Kendall? That's all about to be discovered in the next chapter that I'm working on...It may be my last or my next to last, depending on how my ideas get written :)**

**Thank you for your reviews...They mean the world to me :)**

**And at the urging of Love and Peace Forever and DoctorWhoFan9, there will be more to come :)**


	13. Chapter 13

**Okay, so here is some Kogan for you :) It's not the last chapter...I may need like 2 or 3 more, but we'll see. Warning: You may need some tissues. And remember: Kendall is confused and hurt, so try not to hate him in this chapter.**

**And no, I still do not own BTR, which is slightly depressing.  
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_Logan P.O.V._

I awoke to the sound of…was it crying? I looked subtly around me, noticing that it was still dark, and that I was in my room, so I thought that the only other person that would be in there was Kendall.

But whoever it was, was crying. And Kendall never cried.

Was Kendall crying?

That couldn't be possible. That bold, strong, fearless, endearing emerald-eyed blond that I called my best friend _**never **_cried.

I rolled onto my other side, rolling out of my red blanket that I thought I had rolled out of long ago, so I could look toward Kendall's bed.

And there was said boy, with his back to me, his body shaking from the sobs emitting from his throat.

I wanted nothing more than to go over to him, gather him up in my lap, run my hands through that golden hair, kiss those tears away that fell from his beautiful emerald eyes, and tell him that I loved him and that everything would be okay.

_Whoa! Logan Phillip Henderson, you shouldn't be thinking that! Yeah, you love him, but as nothing more than a best friend. And yeah, it's natural to want to comfort him…but kissing him? That's a little extreme._

But in that moment, with the sounds of Kendall sobbing into his pillow, I didn't care what my head said. I listened to my heart and rushed over to him. I couldn't let him just lie there crying…It was breaking my heart to know there was something that had slipped passed the walls my best friend had put up to guard himself from the world and hurt him so badly that all he could do was cry.

"Kendall? Kendall, what's wrong?" I asked, forcing myself to keep my voice even as I sat at the edge of his bed and put a hand on his shaking arm.

But he didn't reply. He just laid there and cried. And I couldn't fight back the tears that burned the back of my eyes any longer as I saw my best friend – one of the strongest people I had ever known – cry.

I placed my hand on the side of his face and turned it so I could look into his eyes, so he could look into mine, and see that his pain hurt me so much that I was crying too.

At first he lifted a hand and placed it over mine. Then, as he closed his eyes with what I must have mistaken as pleasure, he buried his face back into his pillow and I heard a muffled, broken voice say, in a harsher tone than I would've liked to hear, "Go away, Logan. Please, just leave me alone."

Now I knew that Kendall was stubborn, but never before had he told me, his best friend, to go away and leave him alone. And it hurt.

Kendall always opened up to me. When James and Carlos got nowhere with him, they came to me, and he always poured his heart out to me. But right now, when he was in more pain than I had ever seen him in before, he wouldn't even look at me. And on top of the pain I was already feeling since Kendall was in pain, that cut me deep, and I couldn't help but cry harder.

"Kendall, I'm your best friend. You tell me everything. Right now, you're hurting, and I care about you and want to know why. Why won't you let me in?" I stated, my voice a bit broken and pitchy because of the tears that ceased to fall.

I heard him sharply intake his breath, as if he was fighting with himself on whether he should talk to me or not. I wanted nothing more in that moment than for him to talk to me. It was killing me knowing that something was killing him and he wouldn't talk to me about it.

He sat up in his bed, and through his tears, he looked into my eyes. I saw so many emotions dance before those emerald eyes – hurt, fear, confusion, and…was it love? _No, that's impossible,_ I thought to myself. But there was something else too, something else that I had a hard time categorizing, for I'd never seen it in those eyes before. It almost looked like…hatred. But it wasn't hatred toward me. It looked an awful lot like self-hatred. And if I didn't know Kendall as well as I did and I was talking to him then and saw that same look in his eyes, I would've thought it was hatred toward me.

_What could beautiful, golden-haired Emerald Eyes have to hate about himself?_

He closed his eyes for a brief moment, and his whole body tensed. He moved his hand, almost making it seem like he was going to wipe my tears away. But he quickly fisted his hand and pounded his pillow. Then, following almost a growl, he said in a voice laced with hurt, "Logan, I don't want to talk to you. Please just leave me alone. I can't even stand to look at you right now, but there is no way I could even begin to tell you why. Why do you even care so much? I'm just Kendall Francis Schmidt…I'm no one special. Just…don't talk to me, don't look at me…Act like I don't even exist, okay?"

And with that he stormed into the bathroom, slammed the door, and made sure the lock clicked.

I couldn't understand what just happened, but my heart obviously could as it shattered at those words that had escaped from that alluring mouth in a voice that didn't even sound like my Emerald Eyes' voice. My body understood as it trembled while tears fell unceasingly from my eyes and I put my arms around myself as if holding myself together. I was breaking. And I knew that he was breaking too, but he didn't even give me a chance to answer his question. But when I thought about it, I had been denying the answer for so long, and probably wouldn't have answered it with his presence lingering.

"You know why I care so much, Kendall?" I whispered, as if answering it quietly to myself would make things better. Then, before I even knew what was spilling over my lips as my tears still fell and my body still shook, I whispered into the now empty room, "Because I'm so fucking in love with you, Kendall Francis Schmidt."

I couldn't believe I said it, but the words were hanging there in the tension-filled air.

But what shocked me even more was that I couldn't believe I'd been trying to deny it for so long. And now it didn't even seem to matter because Kendall wanted nothing to do with me anymore.

And I don't think I've ever felt a worse pain in the world. However, that was challenged as I heard more sobs slipping through the bottom crack of the bathroom door. And I thought I almost heard a held back scream of pain too.

The man I loved was on the other side of the bathroom door, so close, yet so out of reach. And he needed me, whether he knew it or not.

And I was going to be there for him, to help him through whatever this dark stage was, whether he wanted me to or not.

Because I love him, and I would be lying to myself if I tried to deny it any longer.

**So Kendall is torturing himself further for thinking of Logan like he has, and now Logan is hurting :( But at least he's admitted to himself that he loves Kendall :)**

**But it will be better, I promise :D**


	14. Chapter 14

**So it's sad, but true that this is the last chapter to my fanfiction :( I hope you all enjoyed reading it, and I can't thank you enough for the reviews, favorite alerts, story alerts, etc. They mean so much to me and they motivated me to continue. This is not only the last, but probably my favorite chapter :) I hope you enjoy it as much as I do :) And no, I have not been able to acquire BTR :( Enjoy!_  
><em>**

_Kendall P.O.V._

I had never hated myself before as much as I did right now. I was despicable.

I felt so selfish.

I had been trying so hard to push thoughts of Logan as more than a friend out of my head that at first, I didn't even realize I had hurt him in the process.

But that pain that was engraved in his angelic face, that hurt that clouded his beautiful milk chocolate eyes…there was nothing more real than that.

There was no pain more real than the pain I felt for causing my Angel pain.

_Go kill yourself, Kendall. You're atrocious, _my father's voice screamed in my mind.

So I clutched the razor blade tighter and pushed it even harder into the bare skin of my torso. I almost screamed in pain, but was able to hold it back.

I was lying to myself.

Which made me hate myself even more.

And made me cut myself even deeper, this time on my thighs.

Because even though I know I shouldn't, no matter how hard I try to forget about it, I am absolutely and irrevocably in love with Logan Henderson.

And Logan – my Angel – is not someone I can just forget about. We've been through so much. He's made me experience feelings I'd never even known existed, let alone felt.

_Shut up about that disgrace to the human race…That horrible Logan fellow! _My father's voice pressed on, completely taking over my mind.

I pulled my hair, as if I could pull that voice from my mind.

But when it still pressed on, calling me all of the vile things it could think of, I cut again, nice and deep, on my right wrist – the wrist that always wore my 3 favorite bracelets.

"Kendall! Kendall, please let me in! Please let me help you! Please, Emerald Eyes…please," the melodic, musical voice pleaded from behind the bathroom door, tears still evident in his tone, as he pounded on the door repeatedly.

_He just called me Emerald Eyes,_ I thought to myself as my heart skipped several beats.

_Stop thinking of him! Stop loving him!_ My father's voice was relentless in my mind.

So I cut some more.

"Logan? What's going on in there?" a far off voice I knew distinctly as James's asked. Carlos's wasn't far behind. "Logan? Are you okay? Is Kendall okay?"

"I CAN'T STOP LOVING HIM, FATHER! IT'S NOT SOMETHING YOU CAN TURN OFF AND ON!" I screamed to myself, but I knew Logan, James, and Carlos could hear.

"KENDALL! Please let me in! Please, please, please! I love you, Kendall, more than life itself, and I'm done denying it. Please let me help you…I need to help you! This is absolutely murdering me right now!" Logan screamed through the door, still pounding on it, still sobbing uncontrollably.

I was causing him this pain. I couldn't take it anymore.

"Logan, you need to calm down. You becoming hysterical is not going to help Kendall at all. Please, just breathe." That was James. And even if he had no idea what was going on, I could almost see him trying to hug Logan, trying to comfort him, and not succeeding in the least bit. When Logan was like this, only I could comfort him and help him.

As I heard several harder pounds to the door, all of a sudden, it fell off of its hinges. I knew by the look on Carlos's face with his helmet in tow that he was the cause of this barrier being broken down.

Logan's mouth dropped as he looked at me. His angelic face was completely tear-stained. His usually perfectly messy dark hair was simply just messy, I assumed from him pulling at it like he always did when he was frustrated. But his eyes were the sight that broke my heart the most. They were clouded with fear, hurt, concern…and yes, that was love.

I'm sure I was a sight to see, sitting on the bathroom floor in only my boxers with my hair standing up every which way and my face red and swollen from crying, all covered in fresh cuts and blood. But he rushed over to me, taking me in his arms up off the floor into his lap, not even seeming to care in the least bit that he was staining his favorite light green shirt with my blood while holding me.

"Kendall. Oh my God, Kendall. Why are you doing this to yourself? What is going on with you? Please tell me," Logan pleaded hysterically, his tears falling into my hair as he rocked us back and forth – me in his lap, his arms wrapped tightly around me.

"Logan, is he going to be okay? It looks like he's lost quite a bit of blood."

Though my eyes were drooping with exhaustion and light-headedness, I could see Logan looking up at James as he spoke, and Logan – the brunette that I had come to terms with loving – looked absolutely breathtaking from this angle.

"We need to clean him up. It probably looks a lot worse than it is," Logan answered, still rocking back and forth with me in his arms, probably to calm not only me, but himself as well.

"It's going to be okay, Emerald Eyes. Let me clean you up and take care of you, okay? Then, you and I need to talk."

I looked up at him through my ever-drooping eyes, and smiled a weak smile at the new nickname he had given me. I liked this one much better than Kendy.

He smiled back at me, seemingly happier now that I was in his arms. "Oh-okay, Angel," I practically whispered, not having the strength to speak normally.

He kissed my forehead with a slow, sweet kiss and smiled that amazing smile at the nickname I had given him.

"I like that nickname better than Logie," he whispered in my ear.

I smiled another weak smile.

"James, Carlos, I'm going to clean Kendall up and make sure these cuts are carefully tended to. I'll give you an update on how he is later, okay?"

I smiled at the doctor tone Logan had undertaken when he was talking to James and Carlos. It was undeniably adorable.

"Alright, but you better believe we are going to want an update soon, Dr. Logan," James said, and I could hear the smirk in his voice. "Come on, Carlitos. We'll check on Kendall later."

I couldn't help but smile yet again as I saw James kiss the top of that Latino's disheveled dark hair, grab his hand, and lead him toward their shared bedroom. All the while Carlos was beaming as if he was the sun itself.

"Finally," I whispered to what I thought was myself, but I knew Logan heard. He chuckled, and in that moment, I could've sworn it was the most beautiful sound I would ever hear in my life.

"What, you mean Jarlos being real finally? Yeah, that's what I was thinking, Emerald Eyes." He kissed my forehead yet again and carefully helped me sit beside the tub while he filled it with water. Then, once he was satisfied with the temperature of the water, he gently helped me out of my boxers – the only bit of clothing I had been wearing so as to get better access at prime cutting spots.

I couldn't help but blush at the fact that Logan was seeing me completely naked right now, but he did a very good job of hiding if it phased him at all by helping me into the water and making nursing me back to health his sole priority for the time being.

I chuckled a weak chuckle before I heard a sharp intake of breath from Logan when he actually looked elsewhere from my eyes. "Everything will be okay, Emerald Eyes. I won't let anything or anyone hurt you ever again. And I sure as hell won't let you do this to yourself again." He kissed my cheek and grazed his hand through my hair as I tried to hide my blush.

But then I realized something.

Ever since I had been in Logan's arms the first time, ever since he told me he loved me, and ever since I told him I loved him, I hadn't heard my father's voice screaming in my brain.

Logan was the antidote to the evil, menacing voice in my mind.

Nothing even mattered as long as Logan and I were together. Nothing could reach me and penetrate the walls our love built around us.

"I love you, Angel," I whispered, and though it was quiet, I knew Logan heard it.

"I love you too, Emerald Eyes," he whispered back, smiling that smile that I never was able to get enough of.

And then I did what I had been wanting to do ever since I realized I loved this man. I put my hand behind his neck, pulled him close to me, and whispered 'I love you' against his lips before claiming them with my own.

There were those fireworks, that tingling sensation, and those sparks flying that I'd always hoped would occur when I finally found the one.

Our lips fit perfectly together.

And I couldn't be happier.

Logan leaned down and whispered in my ear, "We'll have to continue this when you are a little stronger."

He moved his lips to my neck and kissed it. Then, he looked into my eyes and winked.

"Now I want to get stronger faster," I said with a smirk and a wink.

Logan sighed. "What am I going to do with you, Emerald Eyes?" he asked before kissing me again.

When we pulled away after realizing we needed to breathe, I smiled. "I don't know, Angel. But I love you."

He smiled again. "I love you too, dear."

**So there you have it! :D The end of my Kogan/Jarlos fanfic :D I hope you liked it :)**


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